Here we are, in the dog days of winter.
This has to be the worst time of the year for global warming activists in the Northern Hemisphere. How can you possibly sell anyone on the ideals of global warming in the middle of the worst winter in over 100 years?
Now I will admit, I don't have the necessary scientific erudition to understand how we could be in the middle of the coldest, snowiest, life claiming, resource gouging winter since people learned how to write things down, because it is getting warmer somewhere else.
However, I do have a right to be miserable about it. Winter is the time of year where I always seem to run into these uber-optimistic boobs who just want to spin some kind of positive angle onto everything. From my experience, the real optimistic people are usually medicated in such a way that could make even the worst situation seem wonderful however, there are some people, who will debate anyone who dares say anything bad about winter. Examples and responses....
"Don't you like skiing or snowboarding and sled riding?"
Sure, just not for 7 straight months. And if I liked it that much, I could travel to places with elevations that allow for year round snow. Also, these are expensive, often dangerous hobbies, they don't even come close to justifying the overall misery involved with winter. Ask the Bono family how much they like skiing.
"Don't you think the snow looks so pretty outside?"
No, I sure as hell don't. Do you think my 300 dollar gas bill looks pretty too? Sure, a distant mountain, covered in snow may be eye catching but so could a mushroom cloud.
"Isn't it nice to have seasons?"
Yeah, summer. And let's face it, spring and fall are pretty much gone anyway. It's basically winter and summer and that's it. I used to love fall when I was a kid because it lasted more then a week before you got your first blizzard. And spring has always just been another term for "late winter". The season's that you speak so highly of don't actually exist anymore, so put the pipe down and get past it Cheech.
"Don't you love the winter holiday's?"
I could take them or leave them. And the fact that Christmas falls in December is a matter of an ongoing historical debate. New Years is great, if you don't mind massive crowds of people all paying 12 dollars for a beer and trying to avoid 30 police checkpoints on the way home. Also, new years tends to suck more and more the older you get. It is the closest thing to physically watching the years run away from you. And Dick Clark is a catchers mitt who can still talk somehow, nothing more.
"Well what's so great about summer anyway?"
I can play golf, I can go to the beach, fresh air, the ability for my body to produce vitamin D, being able to drive without fearing for my life, my car not needing washed once a week, I can open my windows and not freeze, my gas bill goes down by hundreds of dollars, you can take walks, you can go to the park, you can walk on sidewalks instead of the sides of busy roads, your floors in the house stay cleaner, you don't have to shovel snow, you don't have to scrape ice off of your car, you can cook out, every plan that you make doesn't have to involve being indoors, you can play basketball, you can play football, you can play softball, the days are much longer, it's not dark when I drive to work, it's not dark when I leave work, I can tan, I can drive with my windows down, TWO WORDS: DRINKING OUTDOORS!!!. These are just a few examples the real list of benefits is endless.
Now I don't want people to think that I don't respect the opinions of people who love winter. Who am I kidding, yeah I do.
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