People would stop blaming the President for not having jobs:
When did it become Barack Obama’s responsibility to get everyone a job? He is the President of the United States, not the President of the KForce Staffing Agency. I wish that we could just have one “The President tells it like it is, day, once per year”. On this one day, the president can say whatever he really wanted to say and be guaranteed no repercussions. Because I would love to see Obama get in front of a microphone and tell everyone, “I’m terribly sorry that I can’t find a job for those of you who dropped out of school after the fourth grade and short of cooking up meth, have absolutely no vocational skills whatsoever, but I was too busy killing the guy who wants to fly airplanes into our buildings, thank you, god bless you, and god bless the United States of America”.
That old people were not allowed to drive:
Old people should have to take another driving test when they turn 70. And this test should be extremely difficult. It should be borderline impassable. It should be so hard that the old people don’t even attempt it and they just surrender their driver’s licenses to the state on their 70th birthdays. The test should involve things like swimming and pull-ups and using Twitter and staying in a handstand for 10 minutes; all things that are nearly impossible for old people to do.
These people are a menace on the roadways, which is a fact. Not a year goes by in my life where I am not nearly killed by several old people who are still trying to drive cars. It’s not good for them either. I’m sure they don’t enjoy getting yelled at and flipped off all the time. They drive slowly because they are scared of going any faster. Their old hollow bones could not possibly withstand any sort of a fender bender and they know this. So they don’t take any chances.
The only compromise I would be willing to make here is to make it illegal for old people to drive during peak traffic hours. Relegate the old people to driving between 11 am and 4 pm and then again between 7 pm and 5 am. If the old people needed any exceptions to these windows, they could apply for a one day pass that grants their exception. But this could turn into a double edged sword as you would likely have a shit load of old people all trying to drive around during these windows which could become a catastrophe. Also, most old people can’t see at night for various reasons so the 7 pm to 5 am window would likely become a Hindenburg scale disaster of epic proportions.
That golf courses didn’t let just anyone play golf:
Every public golf course, right now, across the entire United States of America, is packed with hacks that have absolutely no fucking idea how to play golf. This is a problem that I have personally witnessed grow to near biblical proportions over the past couple of years. On a daily basis, 90% of the people who decide to go golfing are so bad at golf that it is hard to imagine how they ever managed to become toilet trained. For people like me, who actually know how to golf and take it somewhat seriously, this is a major annoyance as I find myself constantly dodging errant tee-shots, waiting behind some idiot to line up and subsequently miss a three foot putt for five minutes, some guy who can’t golf trying to teach his kids how to not golf well, old men, who move so slowly that they would have a hard time getting out of the way of steam roller, women who think it’s just hilarious to be out trying to play golf, absolutely shit-faced thirty something’s and kids smoking pot in the woods. And not to mention, the worst of the worst, the business men who golf because it is just something that they are supposed to do as business men. These men generally have thousands of dollars worth of the best golf equipment, none of which they have any idea how to go about using, they play like they are tour players, measuring every putt, and every approach shot like their lives depend on it, just to slap their next shot 120 yards into the woods in front of the thirty people who are stuck behind them, because no business man, has ever let anyone play through.
Golf is the only sport like this. It is the only sport where someone else’s ineptness directly affects everyone else's experience. I propose a skills challenge that must be met on the driving range, under the supervision of a golf course employee, prior to being granted access to the golf course. If you are unable to hit a drive more than 150 yards, you’re gone, if you can’t make a putt from 30 feet in less than four strokes, you’re gone, if you think 15 minutes is an acceptable amount of time to spend on a par 3, you’re gone. And just for good measure, they should be physically kicked in the ass throughout their entire walk back to their cars by golf course employees and fruit should be thrown at their cars as they exit the parking lot.
These are skills that anyone who has half of an idea of how golf works, could easily pass but at the same time would weed out the typical golfing riff-raff that we decent golfers are forced to put up with every weekend.
People would stop taking about “Our Founding Fathers” as though they were so great:
I am sick and tired of hearing folks talking about what the “Founding Fathers” meant for America. Whatever they wanted no longer applies to the reality that we have created for ourselves. The wonderful group of men, known as your Founding Fathers, that you love so much also loved things like slavery and not letting women have rights and hanging people who they thought were witches. If you had your way, and the country actually turned into what the “Founding Fathers” had envisioned for it, we would have no cars, next to no technology for that matter, we would all have to learn how to farm, or make shoes, or shape molten metal with hammers, there would be no diversity, women would have no say in anything, people would still be dying from strep throat and scurvy and we would constantly be at war with the British, slugs and cocaine would still be considered acceptible types of medication. So thank god you are wrong, because that sounds terrible.
Someone would revisit the 40 hour a week idea:
Who the hell decided that it would be a good idea for everyone to work for forty hours every week of their lives and that’s the way it’s just going to be forever, and if you don’t, you get no health coverage, end of discussion? Shouldn’t this at least be up for debate, ever? I think people should only have to work for as long as it takes for them to complete whatever their job is on a weekly basis. If that’s five hours, then that’s how much you work. Conversely, if it takes them 60 hours, then too bad, that’s how long those slow ass people have to work. I do believe that there are a lot of people out there who grossly underestimate how long of a period of time forty hours is. You could build a small airport in less time than that. Forty hours is a long, long time.
I am probably spoiled as I work in the IT field and over the years have come to the realization that the most talented IT people are the least busy ones because they have found ways to automate everything. Yet, those people are still forced to drive to a building 5 times a week and sit around and act busy in order to remain qualified to receive health care benefits. How much electric bill money and fossil fuels could be conserved by not making people drive to a building every weekday?
That we were allowed to select exactly which Television Channels that we wanted:
Why can’t we do this yet? Is there a reason why I get the 8 channels that I watch and another 1000 channels that I don’t? It is not like I am going to wake up someday and all of sudden want to watch CSPAN or OWN or the Hunting Channel?
The ability to select only the channels you watch would give the consumers the power to band together and deactivate channels that broadcast content that they dislike. If all of a sudden, on a near overnight basis, 8 million people discontinued Fox News, I am pretty sure they would tone down their rhetoric. Instead, since we all have to get these channels regardless of how we feel about them, they can pretty much just keep doing whatever they want because they have the control.
It would also severely limit the cable companies from being able to justify the hundreds of dollars they charge for cable. If I am only getting 8 channels, then you have to stop charging me for a thousand.
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